


War of Hearts

by CROWLEYBEANS



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Malec-centric, Arranged Marriage, Happy Malec, Hurt Alec, Hurt Magnus Bane, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Malec, Malec Angst, Malec Fluff, Sad Alec, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 14:12:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6379339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CROWLEYBEANS/pseuds/CROWLEYBEANS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I can't help but love you...<br/>...even though I try not to.</p>
<p>VIDEO FOR THE FANFIC https://youtu.be/-iaN6LKYJ5Y</p>
            </blockquote>





	War of Hearts

The future bride makes her way down the aisle; her flowing golden dress shining as bright as her sunlit hair, which is pulled back into a neat bun. It reflects the daylight pouring in through the Institute windows, making the expensive crystal wineglasses on the tables glisten and shine like gems. Everyone is smiling; family and friends of the bride and groom who have gathered from all over the world for the occasion. Most would look upon this scene with delight, but only with careful inspection would anyone ever see that the joyful atmosphere is merely a façade. Hardly anyone has noticed the way the bride stumbles slightly in her heels as she walks; the way the best man and bridesmaids refuse to make contact with the happy guests; the slight shake of the groom’s hands as he plays with the hem of his shirt, the subtle redness lining his eyes. He smiles, fooling the guests into believing the tears gathering behind them are those of happiness and love. In the front row sit Maryse and Robert Lightwood. Robert looks up at his son with an immense proudness that is so untypical of his usual detached demeanour. Beside him, Maryse has her hands clasped together in delight, hoping that no one will notice as she removes a tissue from her pocket and wipes a small tear from her eye as she stares at the bride. Next to Maryse sits their youngest son Max, his childish brown eyes marvelling at the scene with the stereotypical enthusiasm of a 9 year old. If only he could see behind the pretence; if only he knew how much comfort his brother took from that smile.

On the other side of the room sits Isabelle; beautiful and dangerous like a roaring flame. She’s staring at her brother through her black curtain of hair which cascades down her back, encompassing her unusually pallid skin like the moon in the night sky. The bouquet of flowers in her hand is shaking slightly, but her expression is resolute as she mouths up at her brother. _Don’t do this._

The groom swallows against the lump in his throat as he casts a quick glance around the room to make sure no one saw the exchange. His eyes skim over the small redhead next to Isabelle, who looks equally as ashen. Clary turns her gaze away from Lydia to lock with his, as though sensing his sorrowful gaze. She shakes her head like a disapproving mother and the groom looks away rapidly, a dark brush of colour spreading across his gaunt cheekbones in shame. The happy glint returns momentarily to her eyes as a calloused hand takes her own, and the groom is able to muster up a tiny smile despite the vines of sorrow wrapped tight around his lungs. At least his parabatai can be happy, can spend the rest of his life with the person he loves most in the world. For Alec, that just isn’t the case. Jace looks up quickly, his expression an epitome of disappointment and sadness for his best friend. Alec’s distress is blindingly obvious as he balls his hands into fists and shuts his eyes tight as though he’s been punched in the gut. Yet no one seems to notice as he sways slightly, trying desperately not to throw up as the memory of the last time he saw such disappointment on a face rears its ugly head once again. Alec trembles tenfold as the face of the most loving man he has ever known swims in front of his vision; his beautiful face scarred with betrayal and longing. Such gentle eyes shouldn’t be so battered by so much misery.

_“You came” Alec whispers, his voice cracking slightly as Magnus approaches him slowly in the dim light of the dressing room. He looks different, Alec thinks, even more stunning than usual. For once, he’s almost free of makeup, aside from the thin layer of eyeliner around his sad, mesmerizing eyes that Alec always seems to get lost in no matter how hard he resists. The eyeliner is smudged slightly, and bags as dark as storm clouds cluster under his eyes. His hair is still spiked back, but for once it looks like it was styled carelessly; it’s tangled and messy, like he’s been pulling at it. He’s wearing a dark suit with a green handkerchief that matches the emerald flecks in his eyes._

_“Of course I came. I wouldn’t miss this for the world, no matter how much I despise this entire situation” he laughs, but the laugh sounds…odd. Fake and broken._

_“Magnus. You know I have to do this. I don’t have a choice.” Alec replies desperately in the hope that Magnus will understand._

_“Yes you do, Alexander. You always have a choice” Magnus responds firmly. Alec shakes his head, his voice tired as he replies._

_“Not this time. I have to do what’s best for my family…for the Clave” Alec responds, and Magnus almost quivers at how utterly exhausted Alec sounds; how fed up he is of trying to do the right thing all the time._

_“And completely disregard your own happiness in the process?” Magnus’s voice is harsh and he hopes that Alec doesn’t think he’s angry at him. No, he’s angry at the Clave and Alec’s imprudent parents for making him so insecure. He needs Alec to see that this isn’t the right thing to do. Not for himself, and his own feelings that he holds for the other man, but for Alec himself. For Alec’s happiness; he can’t let him live to rest of his life in misery. He’s undoubtedly one of the most caring people Magnus has ever known and he deserves so much more than the expectations that so many others have piled on his aching shoulders._

_“You don’t understand—“Alec begins, but Magnus cuts him off._

_“No. You don’t understand. What’s best for your family isn’t watching you spend the rest of your life miserable, married to someone you could never love. And I think you know that, too. You can deny it as much as you want, Alexander. But we both know what this is really about; why you’re actually doing this.”_

_“Tell me then. If you’re really as good at reading people as you think you are, enlighten me.” Alec speaks, his voice tinged with an edge of fear that only those closest to him would have picked up on._

_“You’re scared.” Magnus begins, his voice blunt as it echoes in the small space._

_“I’m not—“_

_“Yes you are” Magnus interjects. “You’re scared of accepting yourself because you think people will think less of you, perhaps even think less of the rest of your family. So you lie to others and to yourself. This whole ‘I have to protect my family’ façade that you’re putting on is an excuse, a lie, because you’re scared of what will happen if you reveal the truth; if you let yourself be happy. You’re scared of getting hurt and of who you really are. You’ve worn a mask for so long, that you can’t differentiate it from your real face anymore. I know what that’s like, Alec. It kills you inside, misshapes you until you’re not yourself anymore. But you know what keeps you from becoming someone you’re not?” he pauses, his eyes softening even further. “Love. Alec. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt over 400 years of living, it’s that when someone finds true love, they mustn’t let it go. I know you’re scared, and it’s okay to be scared. Being scared is part of being human, but don’t let that fear hold you back. Don’t let it stop you from being who you want to be and loving who you want to love.” Magnus’s eyes don’t leave Alec’s as he finishes, silently communicating to him that he means every single word._

_“I’m not scared. I’m not a coward” Alec looks away, but his voice is assertive._

_“Cowardice is not the same as fear. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known; I just wish you could see what I see. You would understand that you’re capable of a lot more than you think you are.”_

_“I’m sorry Magnus, but my siblings, they mean the world to me—“Alec doesn’t look at Magnus as he says this, his gaze is locked firmly with the floor. Magnus’s eyes soften, his voice tender and soft as he replies almost instinctively._

_“And you mean the world to me” he speaks quietly. Alec swallows, his hands balling into fists like they always do when he tries to restrain himself from doing something he knows he shouldn’t. He doesn’t look up though, only stares at his shoes like they hold the whole world in their soles._

_“Magnus—“The warlock almost whimpers at how utterly heartbroken Alec sounds. His voice is filled with too much sorrow for such a benevolent young man._

_“You don’t get it, do you? By making yourself miserable, you’re making them miserable too.” Magnus speaks._

_“How could you say something like that?” The harshness has returned to Alec’s voice and Magnus almost recoils. It’s one of the things Magnus loves most about Alec; how protective he can get over those he loves dearest._

_“My whole life, everything I’ve ever done has been for them! To make sure they’re happy and protected. Their needs come before mine, always. For you to suggest that I am the reason for their misery, it’s like you’re saying my whole life has been a lie. How could you—“_

_“That’s not what I’m saying.” He chooses his next words very carefully. “They mean everything to you, but you’ve forgotten something vitally important here. You mean everything to them too. You don’t have to be blind to see how unhappy you are, Alec. It breaks their heart. Mine too. You are loved by so many people. When you disregard your own feelings for the sake of others, it hurts. I hate seeing you like this. I hate it.” Magnus finishes._

_“I hate it too” Alec whispers so quietly that Magnus is unsure whether he meant him to hear it or not. He takes a hesitant step towards the other man; this wretched yet loving man; who has been put down his whole life; who barely even knows who he is anymore. Magnus’s steps are slow and tentative as yellow stares into blue, the world around them disintegrating into shards of green. Magnus lifts his hand and places it ever so gently on Alec’s cheekbone; his thumb stroking it tenderly as Alec leans into his loving touch. To Alec, even the tiniest of touches from Magnus is worth a million from anyone else. His eyes flutter shut as he loses himself in the overwhelming sensation, swallowing against the boulder in his throat. Magnus’s hand is more gentle than Alec believed possible, like he was scared any harsh movements would scare him off. Though nothing in the world could have made Alec leave at that moment; no matter how life-threatening or urgent a matter, Alec was trapped in the warlock’s soothing caress. As if in a daze, Alec lifts his hand to his cheek and rests it atop Magnus’s. His eyes remain closed as the warlock’s soothing voice floats like a feather around his ears._

_“If you take one thing from this conversation, let it be this. I can’t tell you what to do. This is your life, and you choose your paths. If this is truly what you want, then I won’t try to stop you.” His voice is so soft that Alec almost falls asleep against his hand. “But if you decide otherwise, don’t for one second think that your siblings will think any differently of you at all. I admire you so much. I admire how you always think of others before yourself; how you go to such extreme measures to ensure their safety. But remember, this is your life, not theirs. Sometimes, you have to do what makes you happy. And if a choice truly does make you happy, then the consequences won’t matter. You’re so strong, Alec. You’re so sincere and compassionate, I hope that one day, you’ll see yourself the way I see you.” He opens his eyes and everything crumbles. All those walls that Alec had spent years crafting perfectly dissolve into dust._

_Suddenly Alec’s mouth is on Magnus’s, his hands disappearing into the warlock’s already tangled hair. They grasp desperately at each other like lovers reunited after years of being kept apart. They press as close together as they can, and somehow it’s still not close enough. It’s never close enough. Even as they mould into each other, physically and mentally, their cracks and fractures fitting together like jigsaw pieces. Yet despite the desperation, the kiss isn’t fervent and fiery, but speaks of a longing so immense that a thousand years together couldn’t satisfy; a sadness so great that a million lifetimes couldn’t heal. A kiss goodbye. In that moment they are one person; their hands and lips move as one, their hearts so perfectly in sync that the force of a thousand armies couldn’t pull them apart._

_The harsh ring of wedding bells in the distance snaps Alec back to his senses and he pushes away from Magnus so hard that he almost falls backwards. The connection between them breaks, like magnets pulled apart. Alec almost falls backwards in his attempt to get as far away from the warlock as possible. Another second and he would have been entrapped in those arms forever._

_“I—I should go” Alec stutters, turning away from Magnus without looking at him and practically sprinting out of the room. The bang of the door shutting is a gunshot straight into the warlock’s pounding heart. His smile is tiny and painful as the flame of their embrace sizzles and dies, its light dying out and burying the world in eternal darkness._

_“Goodbye, Alexander.”_

Alec doesn’t even notice the tear running down his cheek until small hands grab his own, pulling him from his thoughts. Lydia smiles, squeezing his hands in encouragement. Alec turns his head towards Brother Zachariah, who has begun the ceremony.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of—“ Alec tunes out, taking in the faces of Jace and Izzy as their gazes tear into him. Jace is smiling, but it’s a strange smile…it doesn’t correspond with his eyes. No, his eyes are…off. Like he’s trying to communicate silently through them. As though he’s sending his parabatai a message through his golden irises. _You don’t have to do this._ Alec sways slightly, the notion making him feel slightly ill.

Izzy looks distraught- like someone just stepped on her new puppy. _You don’t get it, do you?_ _By making yourself miserable, you’re making them miserable too._

Alec looks away quickly, the idea that he is the reason she looks like that a stone in his chest. He turns back to Lydia, she’s smiling at Brother Zachariah, listening intently to his words. Alec looks at his future wife, closing his eyes and trying to imagine spending the rest of his life with her: sleeping in the same bed; growing old with her; maybe even having kids one day…Perhaps if he can picture it, he thinks, he might be able to convince himself that it won’t be too bad. He makes an image in his head; cuddling on the sofa with her whilst watching stupid, cheesy movies; holding hands as they walk down the street; holding their baby up in the air, blue sparks erupting from her fingertips and swirling around its head frantically as laughter fills the room. Wait…blue sparks? Alec’s eyes snap open immediately and his breathing is frantic. The world around swirls, the faces of the guests are paint smudges.

Then Alec sees him, and the world comes back into focus. His cat eyes are wide, staring with immense concern. Alec can’t help but think back to their earlier conversation, his words hovering in like shadows in his mind. _You’ve worn a mask for so long, that you can’t differentiate it from your real face anymore._

It’s like a grenade explodes in his face without warning, realization hitting him hard enough to knock him off his feet. Alec has always closed himself off from others in fear they might discover his deepest secret. Now he finally understands what Izzy and Magnus have been trying to tell him all along. Love isn’t something to be ashamed of; it’s beautiful and infinite, and it’s not a choice. He stares into those haunted, enchanting yellow cat eyes, plagued with too many years of loss and heartbreak. They stare back at him, the broken connection between them rebuilding itself into something even stronger than it was before. _When someone finds true love, they mustn’t let it go._

Alec almost kicks himself. He _has_ found it, so why the hell is he standing at this altar with someone who isn’t Magnus? Alec smiles; _actually_ smiles. He had almost forgotten what a real smile feels like. For the first time in his life, he understands what so many people have been trying to tell him for so long. The heart can’t choose its path, but it can choose whether or not to follow it.

Magnus’s eyes soften as though he’s reading the young Shadowhunter’s thoughts. Alec’s eyes burn as a smile graces his soft lips, but it’s not the usual cocky, sassy smile that’s notoriously associated with the warlock. No, it’s a smile full of admiration and proudness. An encouraging, open smile with none of the defences he so often holds up. Alec swallows and musters all the appreciation he can manage into that one single expression.

Brother Zachariah’s voice echoes over the crowd as he speaks loud and clear. “Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace. ”Alec’s hands are shaking violently now, but he keeps his firm gaze on Magnus the whole time. They exchange a tiny smile, like a whisper only they can hear. The smile speaks. _I love you._

Alec removes his hands from Lydia’s and steps away from her. “I do” he says, his voice shaking only slightly less than he had expected it to. All of the guests gasp simultaneously and it weren’t for the current situation, Alec would have found it almost comical. Maryse laughs, her smile wide and fake as she stands up to face the audience.

“Don’t worry! He’s only joking, aren’t you, Alec?” she turns round to face her son, her eyes wide with disbelief and a message meant only for Alec. _Don’t be ridiculous. You know what you have to do. You have no choice._ Alec uses Magnus’s earlier words as an anchor keeping him afloat. _You always have a choice._

Alec could have taken it back, laughed it off and reassured the guests that, yes, it’s a joke. But as he takes in the hopeful expression of his sister, and the encouraging smile of his brother, he doesn’t want to turn back. _You’re capable of a lot more than you think you are._

“No, mother. I’m not.” Her cheeks are flushed with anger and embarrassment. Embarrassment at her disgrace of a son. “Lydia, I’m sorry. But I can’t marry you.” The hall is silent. _What’s best for your family isn’t watching you spend the rest of your life miserable, married to someone you could never love._ “You’re a sweet, beautiful girl, and one day you will find someone who can love and care for you, but that someone isn’t me.” To Alec’s utter disbelief, Lydia smiles.

“It’s alright, Alec. In a way, I was expecting this” she speaks.

“Both of you stop being so ridiculous. Brother Zachariah, please proceed with the ceremony” Robert is standing now, his face as red as his wife’s. Alec laughs.

“You know, my whole life you’ve both drilled into me that I was never good enough. It’s taken me too long, but I finally realize that actually, I _am_ good enough. I _am_ capable of more than I think I am, than you think I am.” He glances over to Magnus and almost breaks. His eyes shine with tears and love, the beautiful smile on his face the only affirmation Alec needs to know he’s doing the right thing. This is by far the most terrifying think he’s ever done, but if doing it means making Magnus proud, then he knows he would do it every day for the rest of his life. _Being scared is part of being human, but don’t let that fear hold you back. Don’t let it stop you from being who you want to be and loving who you want to love._

“Everything I’ve ever done has been to protect you, to make sure you are happy. But for the first time in my life, I’m putting my needs in front of yours. I’m going to do what makes _me_ happy. Lydia is a wonderful girl, but I could never fall in love with her.”

Maryse is desperate now, her voice rising as she’s almost pleading “but you could learn—“

“By the Angel! You don’t understand anything do you?” Jace has risen from his seat and is yelling. “You and Robert have been so blinded by your obsession with keeping up the Lightwood name that you’ve completely missed how utterly miserable Alec has been over these past months! I understand you two can be quite selfish sometimes. But this, this is a new low. Letting your obsession with reputation override the love for your son. Alec has protected Izzy and I our whole lives whilst you two buggered off to Idris for months on end. Without him, no doubt one or maybe both of us wouldn’t be here right now. He puts our needs before his own, every single time, but even that’s not good enough for you. For almost 20 years, you’ve made him feel like shit, like he’s not good enough. So now that he’s finally standing up for himself, be proud. And let your son be happy _for once in his goddamn life!_ ” The guests, Alec included, are gaping in utter shock. Maryse looks like she’s been slapped.

“Jace…” Alec speaks, unsure of where he’s going with it. But Jace cuts him off.

“Don’t mention it, big bro” he takes his seat next to Izzy, his face painted with that signature smug grin that’s notoriously Jace.

“Jace… how dare you—“ Maryse begins. She takes a deep breath, her voice shaky. “Right. Its okay, no one needs to panic. We’ll find you someone else, we’ll—” _This is your life, not theirs._

The words spill from Alec’s mouth before he can stop them. “For God’s sake! You’ve completely missed the entire point! _You are not going to set me up with anyone._ Not Lydia, not another girl, _nobody_. This is _my_ life, and I’m going to live it how _I_ want, with who _I_ want. And Lydia is not who I want. Mother, I’m in love with someone else.” The guest’s reactions are almost comical; to be completely honest, this whole situation should belong on some cheesy soap opera. Maryse has her hand over her mouth, and Robert looks slightly pallid. Even those sat around them look faintly sick, with the exception of Clary and to Alec’s surprise, Simon, who are grinning up at him knowingly.

Like her mother, Izzy also has her hands over her mouth. But whilst Maryse’s eyes convey shock and humiliation, Izzy’s are filled with admiration and respect. Next to her, Jace is grinning manically. He raises his eyebrows and casts his gaze over to Magnus and back to his parabatai. Alec almost falls off the altar in shock. At one time he would have probably thrown up a little, or a lot. But now he feels only an intense relief that he hasn’t felt since he told Izzy his deepest secret so long ago. Jace knows. And he’s okay with it. _They mean everything to you, but you’ve forgotten something vitally important here. You mean everything to them too._

Alec follows Jace’s gaze over to Magnus, and the last of his walls collapse when their eyes meet. Alec has never seen so much love in someone’s gaze before. It’s ironic really, Alec thinks. He’s been so terrified of people finding out about how he really feels, even Magnus himself. Yet the first time he admits his love for him is going to be in front of a room full of people. At least, Alec hopes he will get that far. He realized a long time ago that looking at Magnus’s eyes are like the moon; beautiful at first glance, but only after looking closer can you see the deep scars and crevices. Sometimes, the cracks are extremely obvious, but other times, they’re hidden behind the darkest of clouds. As he looks into them now; loosing himself in the swirls of yellow and green, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, he realizes that they’re the eyes he wants to get lost in for the rest of his life.

“Who is it? Is she a Shadowhunter? Perhaps we could arrange someth—“Alec cuts his mother off, his voice firm.

“No mother” he tears his gaze away from Magnus to stare into her shameful eyes. “He’s not a Shadowhunter.” Silence.

“You mean _she_ isn’t a Shadowhunter” Maryse says without hesitation, as if her son had simply made some silly grammatical error. At this, Alec laughs because, after everything; the hints and speeches, how have they still not guessed?

“Oh for God’s sake! I’m _gay!_ ”

Once again, a pall of eerie silence stretches across the pavilion; a mixture of expressions gazing up at the Shadowhunter. Some are filled with disgust and loathing, some in absolute shock, and others just look plain confused. Maryse is deadly pale and Robert stands with his hand over his mouth. The silence seems to last for hours though is probably only a few moments. Alec forces himself to stay standing despite the tightness in his lungs and pounding in his head. _You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known._

A cheer from the front row anchors him back to the present. Jace is standing on his chair, cheering and applauding deafeningly. Alec stares at him in astonishment and gratitude. Jace has no idea how much that means to Alec. How much it means to know that one of the most important people in his life has stuck around. It’s only a few seconds later that Izzy seems to register what Jace is doing, and rises to stand on her seat next to his, applauding equally as loud. They’re both smiling widely at Alec, the resonance of their support protecting him from breaking down completely. A similar clatter starts up on the opposite side of the room as Clary and Simon also rise. No doubt Alec is confused- he’s never been particularly close to either of them, but still he struggles to force back the tears gathering in his eyes as he watches his friends. _You are loved by so many people._

Then the most amazing that ever could have happened in this moment happened. Max, 9 years old and expected to follow the expectations that the Clave and his parents have placed upon him, stands on his seat next to Robert. He tries to grab Max’s arm and pull him down, but Max only yanks his tiny body away and frowns at him, clapping enthusiastically along with the others. His childish grin lights up the room- perhaps the youth isn’t wasted after all.

And finally, _finally,_ Alec’s eyes lock with Magnus’s. He’s standing, but he’s not applauding like the others. Instead, he’s smiling wider than Alec has ever seen him smile before, and his eyes are glistening with unshed tears. Alec thinks he looks even more stunning at this moment; perhaps it’s the lighting, or perhaps it’s the fact that he’s not afraid to love him anymore. As Alec loses himself in his loving gaze; he wonders why he was ever afraid in the first place. These past few months just being near to Magnus have been the best in his life. Like the first breath of fresh air after spending your whole life drowning; being pulled back from a cliff edge just as you’re about to fall; seeing the sun for the first time after spending years in prison.

A sudden panic clenches Alec’s chest as he realizes- Magnus doesn’t know any of this. He doesn’t know how he feels; how grateful he is for everything he has done; how utterly in love with him he is. Alec has made lots of mistakes in his life, but the worst by far was thinking that being accepted by his parents and the Clave was worth sacrificing Magnus for. Alec knows that he’s made him feel miserable and worthless; think that his feelings for him are unreciprocated; he’s hurt him so many times. And he’s still here. Magnus never once gave up on him even though Alec had given up on himself. He decides, then and there, that he’s going to make this right. He has to. _Sometimes, you have to do what makes you happy. And if a choice truly does make you happy, then the consequences won’t matter._

Alec doesn’t hesitate as he runs down the dais steps, almost knocking Magnus over with his force. His arms wrap painfully tight around his neck; tense with months and months of longing. The warlock’s hands don’t hesitate to wrap around the Shadowhunter’s waist with equal force, as though trying to hold all of his pieces together and stop him from slipping through his fingers once again. Alec buries his face in Magnus’s neck, losing himself in his warmth. His voice is shaky and frantic as his lips bleed apologies and dampen his jacket. They might be tears, but Alec would deny it if asked.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he whispers hysterically. “I’ve been so blind, so preoccupied with looking after my family that I neglected to see how much I was hurting myself and how much I was hurting you. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you; you’ve been so patient with me through all of this even though I’ve been so awful to you and I--Oh God, I love you so much and I—I just wanted—I just wanted you to—“Magnus gently removes his head from his shoulder, cutting him off with a light touch of his finger to Alec’s lips.

“Shh...” he soothes. “It’s alright.”

“No, Magnus. It’s—it’s not alright. I just—“their eyes are soft as they stare into each other, Magnus’s thumb rubbing gentle circles across Alec’s cheekbone. “I— I probably gave you the impression that I don’t feel the same way about you that you do about me, but I never wanted you to think that. No matter how much I pushed you away, I never wanted that. I only want you-forever- if you’ll have me, if you’ll forgive me. Magnus, I love you and I need everyone to know that.” Alec’s voice rises on the last part and Magnus swallows, his eyes shining with the light of a thousand moons; crevices and cracks smoothing over more with his every word. “Please, Magnus. I—I’ve lost you so many times, and the blame for that lies on my head.” He opens his mouth to speak but Alec cuts him off. “But I can’t lose you again. I can’t.” At any other time, Alec would have been embarrassed at how desperate and broken his last word sounded, but he can’t bring himself to care at this point. He _needs_ Magnus to know this.

“It terrifies me, how I feel about you. It terrifies me that I think about you every second I’m not with you and every second I’m with you it feels like my heart is going to jump out of my goddamn throat. I’ve spent so long trying to convince myself that I was being ridiculous, that I just had a stupid little crush and I would get over it. It shocks me how I could have been so idiotic; how I could have ever believed, for even one second, that what I feel for you is anything less than… than love.” Alec isn’t usually good with words, but they seem to pour out of him now. Magnus’s loving eyes and soft hand on his cheek are the only things stopping him from completely falling apart. “I’m nowhere near perfect; I’ve made so many mistakes, and I can’t promise you I won’t make lots more.” Alec pauses, conveying the complete sincerity of his words through his eyes. “But I can promise you I’ll spend the rest of my life correcting those mistakes and loving you. All the pain and loneliness I’ve gone through in my life was worth it, if it means I get to spend the rest of it with you.” Magnus swallows, his love and respect for Alec shining through his expression like the moons rays. “Please, Magnus. Please forgive me—please let me spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t want to live it if I can’t spend it with you.” Alec’s voice cracks and he grips onto Magnus tighter.

“Oh, Alexander.” His thumb continues to brush across his cheekbone. The room is silent as all attention is on them, but Alec couldn’t care less. All that matters now is Magnus and his next words. “I forgave you the first moment I met you. For every mistake you might make in the future, I forgave you.” Their lips collide in a frenzy of love and need; the world melts away and the soft press of the others lips the only assurance they have that this isn’t a dream. Magnus’s other hand loosens from Alec’s waist, moving to cup his other cheek as though trying to shield the young Shadowhunter from the horrors of the world. It’s funny, Alec thinks, how one person can walk into your life and turn it upside down without even realizing they did it. And that’s exactly what Magnus did. Alec had never understood what true love was really like, only what Jace had told him during his and Clary’s ‘honeymoon phase’. He told him that true love is perfect, and that falling in love enables you to only see the beauty in the other person; that being in love is the happiest feeling in the world. Alec doesn’t think Jace could have been more wrong.

True love is _certainly_ not perfect, it’s not easy or clear-sailing. It can be the hardest thing you ever experience. It can make you feel miserable, lonelier than if you had never met the other person in the first place. But love isn’t supposed to be perfect; it’s supposed to be true. And truth doesn’t mean you see the other as perfect; it means you can see that they _aren’t_ , and you love them anyway. They both know that it’s not going to be easy from here: people wanting to tear them apart; judgemental stares and whispers; arguments and unshared secrets. But they know it will all be worth it, if it means they get to spend the rest of eternity by each other’s side. _One day, you’ll see yourself the way I see you_.

Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. But knowing that there is someone out there who sees himself the way he sees Magnus is all the assurance he needs to know that he is loved; that their love is worth the fight. And in the end, that’s all that really matters.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: obviously these amazing characters belong to Cassandra Clare and her awesome book series!  
> PS I obviously decided to name this "war of hearts" after the awesome song from the wedding clip which you can find on youtube :)  
> ALSO PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO I MADE TO GO WITH THIS FANFIC THANK YOU ILY https://youtu.be/-iaN6LKYJ5Y
> 
> (i didn't want to use war of hearts for it though just because i wanted to mix it up a little ;))


End file.
